The Expendables (Sylvester Stallone – 2010)
Wink Wink, Nudge Nudge, Explosion.
by David Sealey
Sylvester Stallone’s magnum opus has finally emerged from the flash-bulb lit cave of its inception to a frenzy of media anticipation. Stallone and co-writer Dave Callaham don’t have much to fear however. Whether good or bad, “The Expendables” is a guaranteed big earner thanks to the comprehensive headcount of Hollywood’s finest action heroes on display, including Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jet Li, Jason Statham, Mickey Rourke and Dolph Lundgren to name just the top dogs. People would pay to see them doing just about anything, especially TOGETHER for the first time ever. But are they still vivid expressions of man, stripped of his moral compass and to the waist in a quest for justice, or have they simply become morose pop-up waxworks of themselves, best left in a dusty dungeon for tourists to photograph?
The film starts off with five helmeted motorcyclists thrashing at the speed limit in a deserted street. The camera zooms in to show the words “The Expendables” on the gas tank of the lead chopper. At first, this seems like a clever way of announcing the film’s title and the identity of the leading men, but as the film progresses, you will wish that every scene could be followed by as clear an onomatopoeic subtitle. It continues as most classic action romps, with an incomprehensible scene involving a large force of armed men rushing around angrily by torchlight, clanking down stairs busily. They are aboard a ship in the Gulf of Aden, Somalia.
The Expendables arrive by boat and board stealthily. They intervene as the leader of the “pirates” is making an Al-Queda style home movie and the team are revealed to the audience for the first time. There’s Jet Li! There’s Stallone and Jason Statham. There is a shootout initiated by “crazy” character Gunner Jensen, played by Dolph Lundgren, in which he blasts a man in half with his shotgun. The action feels like an 80’s action flick with a modern budget and effects, like Stallone’s previous update of the “Rambo” franchise, all meaty chunks and visceral explosions. For a minute you almost forget the promises made by the trailers and media machine. But then you realise; where are Arnie and Bruce?
Jason Statham and Jet Li are both awesome throughout this film, with Statham’s character an adrenaline shot away from his lead in “Crank” and Jet Li’s stereotypically named character Ying Yang begs for more screen time as his martial arts prowess and acting ability transcend the limitations of the script. However, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis, big draws for the action enthusiast, are conspicuously absent for the majority of “The Expendables.” They do both appear in this film, in the same scene, a brief dialogue with Stallone, all tongue-in-cheek references that feel laboured. This scene contains no action at all, just the three Planet Hollywood owners themselves, and that is your lot. No more Arnie or Bruce for the duration.
“The Expendables” is a film that should have been made 15 years ago, when the leading men were still action heroes, not Governors of California or making recurring cameos on “Friends.” The action sequences are lavish and reminiscent of the glory days, but I for one was acutely aware that CG was actually performing most of the action. Jason Statham and Stallone appear in the most ridiculous and therefore, best scene involving a plane, but all I could picture was them sat in front of a blue screen with Stallone mumbling incomprehensible dialogue; a sad image. The action scenes never top the car-through-a-helicopter scene from the recent “Die Hard 4,” or the sheer brutality of Stallone’s own “Rambo” reboot, but they are a fond tribute to former glory days. Stallone himself lurches around the place like an animatronic Frankenstein’s monster, his movements now as stiff as his acting. Now in his sixties, Stallone sustained 14 injuries making “The Expendables.”
The plot is entirely ludicrous as the all-stars fight their way through a “Commando” style scenario to rescue a girl, killing probably thousands of men along the way, but it was always going to be. It is meant to be. “The Expendables” is a romp, a blast even, but it is not better than any of the films that it evokes. It is barely better than “xXx,” but thankfully, it does not star Vin Diesel. But neither does it star Arnold Schwarzenegger or Bruce Willis.
Fanboys
By David Sealey
"Fanboys" is Kyle Newman's first major film project, but the rookie director has performed some sort of cinematic miracle. "Fanboys" shines with the kind of Hollywood sheen you would find in any Kevin Smith or Seth Rogen project. The cinematography and editing style brings to mind the recent "Zack and Miri Make a Porno," and tone-wise, "Fanboys" covers the same bittersweet fairground and emotional minefield. The film follows Linus, who has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and his close Star Wars obsessed friends Eric, Hutch (Dan Fogler doing a Jack Black impersonation,) and Windows, a superb turn by the up-and-coming Jay Baruchel, as the friends journey to Skywalker Ranch to steal a look at the then-unreleased “Star Wars Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace” before Linus' premature demise.
"Fanboys" is peppered with cameos, with Princess Leia as a doctor (Carrie Fisher), Lando Calrassian (Billy Dee Williams) as the fantastic Judge Reinhold and Darth Maul (Ray Park) appearing in minor roles, as well as Seth Rogen's superb Star Trek arch-nerd/Las Vegas pimp double-act. William Shatner, Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes also appear in some of the film's funniest moments.
It is clear that George Lucas and the Star Wars team must have had at least some input into "Fanboys," the premise alone demands it. This, perhaps, is the reason behind the unanswered central question; “Star Wars Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace” - is it actually any good? The posturing around this question is used to fine comic effect, with more said through silence than any actual condemnation of Lucas' comeback.
Undeniably hilarious at points, the humour is reined in by the dark premise, ensuring the film never reaches the point of farce. The ending is a poignant and heartfelt tribute to the fragility of the human condition. Check it out.
