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7 - The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test
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A tale of another world, a fantastic place behind a face; Poetry, Biography, Reviews, Fiction and MS Paint tomfoolery. By David R J Sealey
Wednesday, 20 January 2010
Hollywood Abridged
xXx
A bald man thrashing;
a muscle tattoo
punches a man
things explode.
Legally Blonde
A blonde woman
isn’t stupid;
she is instead
an attorney.
The Fast and the Furious
Some people go fast
in Hot Wheels cars.
Vin Diesel sports
a grappling hook.
Under Siege
Steven Seagal
is not a chef, oh no.
He kills, things explode,
with no expression.
Rocky
A squared circle, a newcomer
with a face like a stupid cliff
steps in and takes out the Champ,
incoherently mumbling a name.
The Day After Tomorrow
A father and son kept apart
by the world’s biggest storm?
America doesn’t think so!
Do wolves live onboard ships?
Richie Rich
The boy is loathsome;
stuffed with golden cheeseburgers
he fights robbers and buys friends
in his own private American Dream.
Moonwalker
Michael Jackson fights
drug gangs and Joe Pesci
to save kids; he turns
in to a freaking robot.
Con Air
Imagine the acting in TV’s Casualty
in an world in which John Malkovich
hijacks an aeroplane and Nicolas Cage
has long hair and an appalling accent.
Titanic
Leo Di Caprio fucks
Kate Winslet.
I think we all know
how this one ends.
Terminator Salvation
A great war between man
and machines rages brutally
unseen, unheard and unfelt
beyond a gruff Christian Bale.
Lethal Weapon
Riggs!
He’s crazy!
I am too old
for this shit.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Scenes fly by, claws scythe
Logan drowns in introduction.
Hugh Jackman is unmasked,
Stan Lee burns the family tree.
Night at the Museum
T-Rex skeleton stamps marble hallways
where the indigenous live behind glass.
Robin Williams is an American hero
heartstrings drip acrid schmaltz.
The Yes Man (Based on a book by Danny Wallace)
Everyone’s favourite rubber-face
Jim Carrey, shouts and gurns throughout
mawkish Yankee hawk shit carved
from purebred British horse-cock.
A bald man thrashing;
a muscle tattoo
punches a man
things explode.
Legally Blonde
A blonde woman
isn’t stupid;
she is instead
an attorney.
The Fast and the Furious
Some people go fast
in Hot Wheels cars.
Vin Diesel sports
a grappling hook.
Under Siege
Steven Seagal
is not a chef, oh no.
He kills, things explode,
with no expression.
Rocky
A squared circle, a newcomer
with a face like a stupid cliff
steps in and takes out the Champ,
incoherently mumbling a name.
The Day After Tomorrow
A father and son kept apart
by the world’s biggest storm?
America doesn’t think so!
Do wolves live onboard ships?
Richie Rich
The boy is loathsome;
stuffed with golden cheeseburgers
he fights robbers and buys friends
in his own private American Dream.
Moonwalker
Michael Jackson fights
drug gangs and Joe Pesci
to save kids; he turns
in to a freaking robot.
Con Air
Imagine the acting in TV’s Casualty
in an world in which John Malkovich
hijacks an aeroplane and Nicolas Cage
has long hair and an appalling accent.
Titanic
Leo Di Caprio fucks
Kate Winslet.
I think we all know
how this one ends.
Terminator Salvation
A great war between man
and machines rages brutally
unseen, unheard and unfelt
beyond a gruff Christian Bale.
Lethal Weapon
Riggs!
He’s crazy!
I am too old
for this shit.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Scenes fly by, claws scythe
Logan drowns in introduction.
Hugh Jackman is unmasked,
Stan Lee burns the family tree.
Night at the Museum
T-Rex skeleton stamps marble hallways
where the indigenous live behind glass.
Robin Williams is an American hero
heartstrings drip acrid schmaltz.
The Yes Man (Based on a book by Danny Wallace)
Everyone’s favourite rubber-face
Jim Carrey, shouts and gurns throughout
mawkish Yankee hawk shit carved
from purebred British horse-cock.
Hot Flirt Prime Silk
Hot
Flirt
Prime
Silk
Hol
Furt
Plime
Sick
Hel
Fuct
Plimp
Suck
Hem
Funt
Plump
Sock
Hen
Fust
Slump
Pock
Fen
Lust
Stump
Pork
Fem
Lush
Stomp
Fork
Flirt
Prime
Silk
Hol
Furt
Plime
Sick
Hel
Fuct
Plimp
Suck
Hem
Funt
Plump
Sock
Hen
Fust
Slump
Pock
Fen
Lust
Stump
Pork
Fem
Lush
Stomp
Fork
Humonkey
Aged twenty-five, bedtime is all arm-swinging
and ball-scratching, increasingly aware of ape-like ways
scrabbling low at beige carpet, grunting and lazy,
cold and naked, close the door to my own cage
with a raging erection which requires reaction
but my mate is so far away so, frustrated and alone,
beat out the rest of this metaphor before falling
snoring asleep; just five short evolutionary steps
short of flinging shit with my sweet prehensile tail.
and ball-scratching, increasingly aware of ape-like ways
scrabbling low at beige carpet, grunting and lazy,
cold and naked, close the door to my own cage
with a raging erection which requires reaction
but my mate is so far away so, frustrated and alone,
beat out the rest of this metaphor before falling
snoring asleep; just five short evolutionary steps
short of flinging shit with my sweet prehensile tail.
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